what could we have done

We're not the same, dear

And it seems to be

There's nowhere we can go

With nothing underneath

And it saddens me to say

What we both knew was true

That the ice was getting thinner

Under me and you

Death Cab for Cutie - The Ice is Getting Thinner

Life is a bitch. This is one of those moments where I lose faith in justice and to some degree, the existence of a higher divinity. 

Why would you let something like this happen? Why the fuck did you not do anything back then, too? What lesson is to be learnt in all of this? That if your life happens to take a downturn and is heading for the shits, then bad luck cos that's all there is to it? And what the fuck happened to the so called friendship and compassion? I am really starting to lose all hope in humanity.

Why her and not someone else? Or god forbid, why not me instead? What's so different between us?

At the end of the day there's nothing that either of us could do. 

But like what she said, I miss the past but I can't help but to try and look forward to future...

And it saddens me to say

What we both knew was true...

heartbreak world

let’s all pack up and move this year
we’ll slip the liars and disappear

we’ll leave memories for auctioneers
and those just standing still

they’ll miss the taste of wanted you
call out your name, like i still do but
they haven’t said a word that’s true
and they only hold you down

in this heartbreak world of just imagine
with its tired talk of better days
in this heartbreak world, where nothing matters
come on, let’s make this dream that’s barely half awake come true

Matt Nathanson - Heartbreak World

So, my mum might take off tomorrow night. That will leave me on my own again. That will also mean I will be surviving on instant noodles, amongst other random junk, soon.

I feel rather elevated since it's a Friday. But my horoscope said this weekend may be slightly disappointing, despite looking all nice and peachy for now. Let's just ignore that for the time being.

happy knickers day

Just a shout out to wish my dear friend Knickers a happy 23rd Birthday. Stop growing please. If you get taller again when I come and visit next time I’ll make you the official real live mascot of our flagship product, Sausage Pimp.

Soon it will be Mich’s birthday too and I heard there’s a huge party happening this weekend in Singapore. If only I’m rich enough to just go off for the weekend. How awesome would that be! Wish I could be there. Party hard but don’t drink and drive ok. And don’t drink to the point where you end up doing funny things to each other either – that will be ferduckingly bizarre.

I have been applying for a few job vacancies but no luck thus far. I wonder if it’s because of my lack of experience or because my competitors just have far more impressive stuff under their sleeves. Either way it’s not good, as I want to get out of this damned place as soon as I can. I think this place is really starting to get to me.

That aside everything else is stagnant as always. I’d like to move out sometimes in the future…hopefully not too long from now. It’s be pretty blissful to have my own place where I can be in control of everything. Rent rates are not as bad as I thought they would be but I wonder what my likelihood like since I haven’t rented anywhere before?

So many things to think about.

But for now, I’m just looking forward to the end of the day so I can get out of here. Shanghai Dumplings and Chinese lesson lined up for tonight – let’s hope no one will get pushed down the stairs by some idiotic drunktard this time.

Update: I am bitterly aggravated at people who are doing well in their job/career move with multiple offers from big compenies and awesome career progression who also boasts about all of that while masking them behind a 'dilemma' so they don't sound like a show off. Screw you ferducktards.

Jealous? I obviously AM. But mainly bitter about this whole situation.

we can't go back now

As you all can see I've done a bit of tidying up around the blog (at last! you say. yeah, yeah whatever I've been busy! :p) I've finally decided to get off my ass and get started on what I need to get done. Submission for the Desktop cover competition is out of the way, budget for the next few months are pretty much all worked out, all that's left to do is to start revamping my 'brand' again. That is, design, content and portfolio. I've been dreading this because as we all should know - you're really your worst possible clients.

After that, onward to the FutureBrand competition and job hunt. Mr. I've Got Worse Temper Than a 5 Year Old Kid is back in the office now so we're just waiting for another unreasonable outburst to head our way. Hopefully this time around I'll be better prepared for it. Maybe I should premediate smartarse comebacks in the meantime.

Or get back to work. Hehee. Oh well. Life never stays peachy for longer than a few hours anyway but what can you do. The only way to move now is forward...

Yesterday, when you were young,
Everything you needed done was done for you.
Now you do it on your own
But you find you're all alone, What can you do?

You and me walk on
Cause you can't go back now.
You know there will be days when you're so tired that you can't take another step,
The night will have no stars and you'll think you've gone as far as you will ever get

But you and me walk on
Cause you can't go back now
And yeah, yeah, go where you want to go
Be what you want to be,
If you ever turn around, you'll see me.

I can't really say why everybody wishes they were somewhere else
But in the end, the only steps that matter are the ones you take all by yourself

And you and me walk on
Yeah you and me walk on
Cause you can't go back now
Walk on, walk on, walk on
You can't go back now...

The Weepies - Can't Go Back Now

hope and falsity

Yeah, yeah I know this blog’s been collecting dust. I seriously don’t know what to post… there are a lot of things going on at the moment but everything is just all over the place, you know? It’s hard to pick one event or topic and blog about it. You probably don’t even know what I’m on about. I don’t know I’m on about either. Let’s all take a moment to breathe in all this confusion.

All right. Start over.

So, I’m looking for a new job. I’m sure most of you would know that by now – I have bitched about work quite a lot over the past couple of weeks. For those who don’t, it’s basically OH&S and management issues. I’m now officially on the lookout for a junior designer position preferably in a design studio. Here comes paycut…*sob*

Oh that’s right, today is our (Gav and I that is) second year anniversary! And since we’re both flat broke we’ll celebrate it like how we did last year, a simple dinner at the Timeout Café in Federation Square. That’s where we first met up for coffee. Service’s crap as hell as I discussed earlier at lunch with a few colleagues…their Fat Chips is to die for though. I should also mention that I’m not calling them ‘fat’ intentionally, that’s actually the name of them chips. Thought I should put that out there. I don’t judge chips by their thickness and I sure don’t want a row of skinny French Fries hounding me for discriminating against skinny chips.

Anyway, randomness aside I’ve been working on my submission for the Desktop Magazine July Cover Competition. This is the first time I’ve played around and experimented with Photoshop after Shillington so…while what I’ve came up with may seem a bit abstract, I had quite a lot of fun (and stress) working on it. I’m fairly happy with it at this stage. Will be submitting tonight…then onwards to my portfolio for the job-hunt.

…and just like that I ran out of things to say. Well that’s me today, I’ll post again when things change. Hopefully it’ll be good news next time.